I guess that's just because I don't have anywhere to vent anymore, I don't care if people don't care about what I have to say - if I said it to anybody, they'd be hurt, because the only people I have close to me are the problem, that's the thing so, im so... selfish. I just wish somebody would appreciate me like I appreciate them. I wish the only person who I still had a little faith in didn't treat me like shit, and I wish I didn't love her so much (though according to her I don't). It hurts, I know if she read this she'd be all like.. 'YOU'RE HURTING, WHAT ABOUT ME?!' but I have begged and really, I just don't feel like I have dignity anymore, though there was no reason for me to have any in the first place. I wish she'd see how painful this is for me, I try my best... but no, never good enough. The only people who accept me for me really, don't even know me. There's one person who I know I can depend on, and it just doesn't seem she feels the same way. I know I can depend on Alex though, but she's not online. Life is just ugh. Why do I have to be such a moody bitch? I can't even help it anymore. I don't want to show this to anybody but Alex, because she seems to be the only person who would never hurt me, ever, she just... gets me. And Salim. I am cheesy.

Anyway, since this is like my 93590325943th first blog post, i'll just copy it from my tumblr.

Hi, my name is Rachel, im fourteen and English. Im awkward and shy. I take art, geography and history GCSE’s (along with all the boring compulsory ones) - but I enjoy English, a lot. Im small/petite, even though im in year 10 - which can be odd because you know, its really horrible for me when people hug me and they shove my face in their boobs. I can talk a hell of a lot, but I think a bit too much about what im going to say around people who I don’t know, making the situation awkward and I make a fool out of myself, but I don’t care, my friends love me because im weird. One day I shall dye my hair either a teal/turquoise color or purple, because those are damn sexy colours and nobody would expect me to do something ‘shocking’. I have no piercings, or tattoo’s (because that’s illegal at 14) even though I would love some. I’ve had a pretty alright life so far, I don’t have many friends and im not at all popular, but I hate attention, at times very lonely. I am single, I am always single. But my heart is taken by a llama.<3. When im older I want to be an art therapist, have a pet cat called Dobby, and a child called Alexander Simon. I love making making people laugh or smile, as we all do.